Posted 1 day ago

trillow:

*on the phone with police after reporting a murder* no you hang up first

Posted 1 day ago

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

pro tip: if you’re ever arrested, use your one call to call the police station and pretend to be the police chief then tell the police officer to release you from jail immediately

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago

trailrnix:

sh4ne:

imagine if you lost a bet and you had to wear these every day for the rest of the schoolyear

image

don’t you mean won

Posted 1 day ago

reikokillua99:

ohh i get it.. that tree looks like a dinosaur!! 

(Source: rlyhigh)

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago

inrowlingwetrust:

theblackship:

ilvalentinos:

robert-pattinson-hates-his-life:

Rob talking about a stalker he had in Spain.

HE COMPLAINED ABOUT HIS LIFE. 

TO A FAN.

FOR TWO STRAIGHT HOURS. 

Bless this man.

the man. the myth. the legend.

Crying.

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago

dumbfricker:

obama has masturbated before

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago
jungwildeandfree:

sueslayer:

 
This is actually really funny if you think about it. I mean, there was totally some sort of ghost or demon about to kill her but then that sheet blew straight into its face and it was so embarrassed that it decided to disappear.

Tremble, mortal, for I am Zerendikos, and I will drag your howling soul to—
*flump*
AH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS IT’S ALL OVER MY FACE
FUCK 
WHAT IS THAT SMELL
IS THAT FUCKING FEBREEZE
FUCK DAMMIT SHIT FORGET THIS I’M OUT 

jungwildeandfree:

sueslayer:

 

This is actually really funny if you think about it. I mean, there was totally some sort of ghost or demon about to kill her but then that sheet blew straight into its face and it was so embarrassed that it decided to disappear.

Tremble, mortal, for I am Zerendikos, and I will drag your howling soul to—

*flump*

AH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS IT’S ALL OVER MY FACE

FUCK 

WHAT IS THAT SMELL

IS THAT FUCKING FEBREEZE

FUCK DAMMIT SHIT FORGET THIS I’M OUT 

(Source: theconjuringmovie)

Posted 2 days ago

slamdrank:

whAT THE FUCK

(Source: russkiye)